Home Sweet Home

Well, we're in!!!  We got the apartment!!!  We signed the lease yesterday and spent the entire afternoon at Ikea furnishing it.  It's so weird because we're starting from nothing.  Usually there's always someone's old couch or television, some going away/housewarming presents, help from the folks...  But we're truly starting from scratch.  it's especially weird considering how many housewarming presents we've received in the past year and a half: vases, towels, frames, candles, place-mats, utensils, cleaning stuff, knick-knacks...  But none of that great stuff made it here with us.  

Yesterday we bought a bed and mattress, sheets and blanket, a desk, a dining table, a futon couch, trash cans, clocks, plates, bowls, pots, pans, cutlery, knives, cutting boards, wine glasses (very important), a plant (so tiny), a corkboard (Adri's MUST!), dishrags and a dish rack, bedside lamps (though we have no bedside tables yet), toilet bowl brush, oven mitt, and on and on...  

I feel very fortunate to have so much abundance.  And I look forward to furnishing the apartment for months to come.  At least right now we have the bare-bone necessities to live.  (Except for T-P, which we're buying tonight.)  We can sleep eat and work on the computer there and we can have guests sleepover on the futon!!!  

We're both looking forward to enshrining our Gohonzon (the Buddhist scroll that we chant to) because for a month now we've been chanting to a miniature "travel" Gohonzon, which is barely bigger than a keychain.  

We went to a ten hour tozo (chanting session) at the Los Angeles Friendship Center (LAFC) and I chanted for 3 hours while Adrianne introduced a friend of hers to the practice.  It felt so good to chant for so long among so many people.  

I've really been dealing with fears lately.  I fear that the money will run out.  I fear that we won't find work.  I fear that the challenge is too big and we won't create any value here.  We've been having many obstacles getting our money to Los Angeles.  And not having it has hampered our ability to look for a car among other things.  It finally came on Thursday, but actually too much of it came.  Because of an error, the bank took more money than was in the account and sent to Los Angeles.  So now my account in Mtl. is in the red.  It was obviously a bank mistake but since the money is wired, there's "nothing they can do".  The only option is for me to send them a cheque back from my LA account.  However, with changing money back and forth, we stand to lose a lot of money.  (We've already lost quite a bit because of some bad advice from the bank, but that's another story.)  This news sent me over the edge.  I grew so angry and yet helpless (how much good is yelling at someone on the phone gonna do!?).  I spent the day in a funk, dreaming of yelling at someone, wondering what my course of action should be.  Thankfully, I married Adrianne.  She was able to get me to talk about it and all my fears came out.  She was able to comfort me and help me to see that we have abundance, not debt.  That we have and will have success and not failure.  Her strength and wisdom continue to amaze me.  

At the ten hour tozo, I really decided to challenge my fears that are keeping me from attaining my full potential.  I'm challenging my fear of money (or of not having any), my fear of professional success (or of not having any), my fear of owning a car and my fear of my own life or how fantastically beautiful it is and could be.  It felt really good to, in a moment of clarity, see my fears for what they are: mere illusions.  As long as I keep living, working, fighting, creating value, helping others, there is nothing that I cannot accomplish, no benefit I cannot create, no obstacle I cannot overcome.  The only enemy I have is fear/fundamental darkness.  And I know that through chanting and overcoming obstacles, I can not only beat it, I can get it to work for me.  

I hope to be writing about our upcoming victories very soon!  

Peace and love, 

Dan